January 27th

January 27^th, ‘There are no goodbyes between friends’

Our very last day today, before we were to  leave for our short holiday in Kerala. A lot of loose ends still needed to be tied up before we could feel quite happy with what has been achieved this time, and all of them hinged on our morning meeting with Dr Rita. For various reasons we were anxious going into this meeting.

All began well with a recap of what we were going to agree re honoraria for the teachers (not to be called a salary in future as this might imply more rights as RUHSA employees than would be wise) and re the contentious issue of the purchasing of saris as gifts (NB NOT to be called a bonus). Dr Rita explained in some detail, again, the strict system for payment of money into CMC/RUHSA account and the drawing out of money from these accounts and talked very seriously about what she considers in the past to have been shockingly loose systems which gave rise to much misappropriation and corruption. Dr Rita does not trust any of the staff of RUHSA and in fact believes that they have been corrupt in the past. Equally when we talked about the Self Help Group women who manage our centre, she talked about how they would be stealing from the allocated budget if there was any opportunity. 

This being the background for our discussion, we might have been prepared for the tensions which could arise. We have had a link via RUHSA personnel since 1978 and have made personal contacts and relationships with particular RUHSA community workers since 1991, since we set up the first preschool. In the meeting one of these community workers was brought into the room to answer some questions and very soon Dr Rita began a very vigorous verbal attack on him which continued for quite a time and which no interjections from the three of us would halt The staff member under attack sat at the table in silence and said not a word in his defence. I have never experienced such a feeling of distress for another human being on witnessing such an unrelenting assault. We have worked with him for twenty four years and without the help he has given us there would never have been any preschool centres, none of our work could have come to fruition. Suddenly something flipped in my head and I said, loudly, that I COULD NOT sit and listen to one more word. I then went on to talk about what this person has done for us and then about the long history of our donations to RUHSA projects (since 1978 it will actually amount to almost £70,000) and how we surely therefore have a right to our opinion on what happens now, and to be listened to. 

By the time I had finished speaking I felt absolutely done in and it was fortunate indeed that Jude was there to help me to move on with the meeting and the agenda. The offending staff member was told to leave the room and Dr Rita made it clear that our relationships with RUHSA people, as well as with the village people who have befriended us since 2004, are not something she values. She feels that it has layed us open to being manipulated by them and to being cheated. She, as Director of RUHSA, has to clear up the mess of all these community relationships which have been developed over the years and she clearly thinks that keeping a professional distance is the way we should all operate. I tried to give her a brief outline of the essence of the community link which Carolyn Whitwell and I initiated with the help of Daleep Mukarji thirty seven years ago, but I was fighting a losing battle. 

We do of course understand Dr Rita’s point of view and her need to make everyone accountable. However we have based all our work here on partnerships and on building strong personal relationships. Sometimes in life you have to go with your gut instinct about people and show trust. At the end of the meeting, largely moved on by Jude and Andy, we had, despite everything,  achieved a lot. The teachers, ayah and other helpers will indeed be bought saris with our donations, after we have left. The teachers and the ayah will be awarded a good pay rise and provision in future will be made for an annual rise in January. In addition they will get an annual Christmas gift (not bonus) equal to one month’s honorarium payment. We will budget for an annual outing for the children. The community worker with whom we have always worked will continue to support the teachers in their development and will also train up a new young community worker to take over from him. So we had good news to convey to the staff of the centre after lunch. 

We went first to the preschool to say our goodbyes to the children, with a goodbye to each child in turn and a small hand saluting us in return as they said ‘Goodbye Madam, goodbye Sir.’

Then to the home of Vimula, who cooks for the elderly alternating with Indra. She had prepared nice snacks and ‘one small coffee’ obviously also. Her daughter was there with her four month old baby and we learned that she will spend a lot of time in her mother’s home with the baby until it is five or six months old. 

We learned that the wife and baby of Suresh had gone back with him to stay in Chennai, where he works. I had worried about how his wife, Veejaykumari would manage as she is still very exhausted and the baby is a night-time crier. No need to worry though it seems because her mother has gone to Chennai to stay with them and to look after her daughter and new granddaughter. Whilst we have been here two of the young women who live in Seetaramanpet have suffered miscarriages at three months and here too what has happened is that the family of the woman has also come to help and to look after their daughter. It strikes me as very good for the care of young mothers and their babies that the family has an expectation that they will be looked after until they are strong enough not to need the extra care. I’d like to bet that the incidence of post-natal depression will be much lower in such a society. 

With another few goodbyes to friends in the village (and obviously some more small small coffees) we just had to meet with the teachers and with Sekar from RUHSA to explain about sari gifts and honorarium rises and annual trips and we also revised the daily schedule for the children very slightly, hopefully to allow for longer periods of free play.  We have also offered Balaji the job to take over from our (useless fellow) night-watchman and to develop our garden and possibly the setting up of a stall-fed goats scheme. The worry is that Balaji, who would be such an excellent worker I am sure, will not be able to afford to do this on the honorarium we could give. He might be able to combine it with the casual building work he does now which is reasonable money but very hard work. He will give it some thought and will make an appointment to go and see Dr Rita. Goodbye hung heavy in the air and there were tears all round (from me and the women). I have promised that this time we will if at all possible return in a year’s time and with the Blessed Pam and her husband Brian. 

All in all it had been an exhausting and emotionally draining day. Fortunately I was able to skype call Pam to off-load some of how I was feeling. She advised me to leave it all behind as much as possible and to be sure to enjoy our break in Kerala. Wise advice. We had to get the train at Katpadi at 10.30 so got there early in order to be sure that we did have reserved seats. We were advised to go to the CMC helpdesk where someone would ‘do the needful’ – wonderful expression!  As it turned out our faithful helper Balaji was there with his friend Boopathy and they made sure they found our seats and hefted our heavy rucksacks onto the sleeper train. Here I lay down and fell quickly asleep, to wake the next day in quite a different world.