20th January 2019

20th January 2019
So much ritual, so many customs involved in an Indian engagement. Even the bridegroom doesn't understand some of them...

Today was an exciting day for us, so up early, breakfast on the roof terrace ( no ratty today) and off in a taxi to Chennai for the engagement ceremony and celebration for our friend Raghu and his bride-to-be Janani. Pam first met Raghu when he was a skinny schoolboy of maybe 13. His local school taught only in Tamil, so Raghu, very much a scholar and top student, decided he would teach himself English at nighttime. So he approached Pam and Brian, keen to practise his rudimentary skills in the language. Over the years of visits we watched him achieve very highly in his subject ( computer-assisted designs for patterns/ moulds, I think...) and he made it to a good English-medium college, then to a good job, and subsequently to work, over three years ago, in Thailand. He does not forget his friends and family, still living in the village, and sometimes struggling for a living. A couple of years ago he constructed an amazing new home for his family just across the street from their old home. Now, at 29, he has found himself a bride, Janani, who lives with her family in Chennai. Historically parents would make the arrangements for the marriage of an offspring but Raghu's patents delegated the job to him, in the age of the Internet. He and his family have already met Janani once, before today's ceremony and the couple are in touch by Internet. Janani is also educated to college level and works as s software engineer. 

For today's engagement the event is mostly funded by the bride's family and the wedding itself will take place in Gudyattum, where much of Raghu's family live, and this will be funded by his family. Today a contingent had come up from the village to Chennai, but the largest number, naturally, were from Janani's friends and family. Raghu thought approximately 400 were present. For the wedding there will be around 1,000. Raghu's family presented Janani with a beautiful silk sari which she then changed into for the ceremony. Raghu was presented with a
 gold bracelet and necklace, and a very swish-looking watch. 

At around 11 ( nothing happens exactly on time here!) a troop of people, mostly chaps, like his brother and father and Janani's dad ( another Raghu) left to collect Raghu from the nearby small temple where some rituals had already been performed on him by the priest. The procession arrived back at the huge marriage hall where we were waiting for him, to the accompaniment of loud drumming. We were to discover that the whole ceremony was orchestrated to the sound of these drums. I was glad, just for this reason, that 'missing sir', Andy, was not with us as the sound is hard on one's eardrums. 

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Raghu's mum with gifts of fruit 

The rest of the day was a long ritual, with the two dads to begin with exchanging garlands and having rose water  sprinkled on themselves, then the couple seated on a white and gold couch, receiving gifts and ritual blessings from a long line of women - including Pam who managed to copy the order of ritual very well. Every single step was much photographed and videoed by the professional phitographers. This all lasted several hours, during which the room full of guests came and went. Eventually we were ushered by Raghu's lovely mum to go upstairs to the enormous dining hall, where we had a really delicious meal served to us on banana leaf plates. By the end of all this the couple both looked fairly weary, and Raghu told us that the garlands they wore all day were really heavy. Finally, they too were released from the ritual and the  photographers

and were able to go and eat. 

 

By now many guests had left- the village contingent to get home after a long day with an early start. We went home with Raghu and his family. The most weary ( like Raghu's sister in law who is 8 months pregnant) slept most of the way home on the floor of the coach. Raghu was happy with the day and delighted with his gifts and his bride to be, we felt. All this will be repeated for the marriage in July, in a much larger scale, and lasting two days. We wish we could be there!